Life As I know It

So I've completely neglected this blog for quite some time now and only for good reason...life has been somewhat of a whirlwind since my engagement in June. Excuses...excuses..no seriously, it's officially time to get up to speed and start holding myself accountable for some form of frequent posting again.

And here we go...

2013 has proved to be the year of change and honestly I don't even know where to start. Micah moved to Keller to be with me and it has been such a blessing to start and end my day spending time with him. Somedays we would literally always be together because we commuted and worked together. A few people thought we were a crazy couple and counted down the days until we got tired of each other...well that never happened despite their predictions. I must say it was quite an unordinary routine for a couple, but it brought us closer together and I wouldn't have changed a thing.

We also both decided to leave our individual churches in December and began searching for a new church home together as a couple. Although, at first this seemed like a daunting task it proved to be pretty easy for us. We had many discussions about what we were searching for and did a little research to make sure we only visited churches that aligned with our beliefs. Of course the music was important to Micah, but our central focus was around finding a church that put family at the center and provided support for our marriage. The Milestone church in Keller was first on our list and we have been going back ever since. This past month we became official members and will hopefully soon begin pre-martial counseling to prepare the foundation for our marriage.

Most importantly and the biggest change of all is Micah got hired on at a department and is now pursuing his dream of becoming a Police Officer. He will start the academy the last week of March and life will probably be a little crazy until he graduates in August. I'm so proud of him and overjoyed that he is doing what he is passionate about. However...if I had to pick his profession I definitely wouldn't have chosen this route, but aside from my fear I love and support him in every decision he makes. Let's just say we are going to have to live our lives differently and it's going to take a lot of prayer to deal with the anxiety every time he leaves for a shift. His department even gave him a book for me to read called "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement: A Guide for Officers and their Family." I felt really great about him coming home with that kind of book on his first day...

This year Micah and I attended our first Addy Award Gala together in which Micah won five awards for his videos and four of the projects I managed won awards. It was a great experience and felt amazing to see our names on those awards. It just goes to show that hard work pays off!

2013 Addy Awards Gala 

Micah and I celebrated our one year anniversary at the beginning of this month...I can't believe it has been a year! It is amazing to think about how much our lives have changed since we first started dating. They always say "you just know when it's right" and now I understand that. This past year has been the best year of my life because I've discovered unconditional love. I used to be the girl that thought I'd never get married and everything changed when I met Micah. I always knew he was the one for me and we have an incredible love that is indescribable. Like our Pastor said, a marriage should be centered around loving your spouse the way that Jesus loves them. I find so much joy knowing that I have the blessing of pouring out love to Micah the way that Jesus loves and adores him. He truly is an incredible man and I am the luckiest girl in the world because God designed me to be his wife.

I know a lot of people lose hope when dating and feel discouraged that they will never find the one. I know I felt that way at one point, but everyone has a soulmate and I believe that now more than ever. Don't lose hope until you find that person and never settle for less because when you do find that love it will forever change your life in ways that you have never imaged. I have no idea what life has in store for us or where our journey will take us, but all that matters is we will always have each other. 

November 12, 2013 is going to be the best day of my life and I can't help but count down, 240 days as of today! The wedding plans are going great and as each day passes it becomes more and more exciting. We have almost completed our wedding website and I will be blogging on there to share our experience as we continue to plan for our big day. Check it out!

It's also dawned on me that I will have to change the name of my blog after I become Mrs. Hayman. :)

Let me simply say...life doesn't get much better than this!  

Insight on Authority

Life has been somewhat of a world-wind lately; between changes at work, family and wedding planning I have hardly had time to reflect on all the things happening in my life. Most importantly God is working in my life and I am so grateful. I could not have made it through the past two weeks without my amazing parents, supportive fiance and strength found in prayer. God taught me an incredible lesson this past week and yesterday in church it was all summed up; it felt as if the Paster was speaking directly to me. I am thankful that I could hear God's word so clearly because it was exactly what I needed.

There were some changes in my life that filled my heart with anger and resentment. I was absolutely miserable and knew I couldn't keep living with this emotion so heavy on my heart. As my Pastor put it yesterday morning, I was in the mist of spiritual warfare; my human flesh was seeking revenge and my spirit was seeking submission and forgiveness. Each morning I would pray to accept the changes in my life and find peace; although it was hard I would pray for the people that were unfair.

Last week God taught me how to be submissive, he brought me peace and acceptance over the things for which I have no control over. Sometimes in life you must give into the urge to seek revenge and make a decision to give it all to God. We sometimes need to be reminded that He puts people in authority over our lives and it is our job to be submissive; if unjust things occur we must pray for God's will in authority.

"It is God's will that your honorable lives should silence those ignorant people who make foolish accusations against you." ~1 Peter 2:15

"You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you-not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment." ~1 Peter: 2:18-19

"For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps."  ~1 Peter 2:21

"Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it. If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil." ~1 Peter 3:9-12

I'm Engaged!!!

The Proposal

Micah and I decided to have a relaxing Saturday evening so we went to dinner and saw Promethus in Southlake. Promethus was intense and scary so I jokingly said that we needed to go do something upbeat and fun after we got out of the theater. Micah said, "Let's go, I know just the place." When we got in the car Micah was trying to lighten the mood so he started up a little karaoke session. I couldn't stop laughing as he attempted to sing and dance to songs he didn't know the lyrics to. Micah wouldn't tell me where we were going and the suspense was building as we drove to Fort Worth. He pulled into the parking lot at Trinity park (our favorite place to have a picnic lunch during the week). We went for a stroll through the park and he stopped me in-front of our favorite tree (Micah and I have spent countless hours talking and laughing about life underneath this tree) and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was overwhelmed with happiness and cried tears of joy as he placed the rose ring on my left hand. It was so dark outside he had to pull out his phone to show me the ring! Things couldn't have been more magical as we embraced each other fireworks began going off behind the trees in the park. Words can't expressed how excited I am to be engaged to my best friend and love of my life! The past four months have been amazing and filled with more love than I could have ever imaged!

The Ring

I have always worn a rose ring on my right hand as a symbol and reminder of the love I want to have in my life. On our third date Micah asked me why I always had on the rose ring and I told him it was symbolic for the love my Grandparents had. My Grandma Rose and Papa's house was one of my favorites places to be when I was a child. My Grandma Rose always filled the house with so much love and my best childhood memories are of our family at Christmas. It has always been so important to me to find someone to create that love for our family. I wanted to find the love that could withstand anything...the love that fills your heart with joy and kindness. For the longest time I wasn't sure I could find the kind of love I dreamed of and then I met Micah. He is the most incredible person I have ever met and he has forever changed my life. He is patient, humble, caring and thoughtful...he has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He makes me laugh, fills my heart with love and my soul with joy. Today Micah replaced my rose ring with a rose gold engagement ring to symbolize the love that we have together...the love I have always dreamed of finding. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:13

Let me simply say... 11.12.13 will be the best day of my life!

Plans for a Lifetime

When I was baptized ten years ago I was asked to share my favorite verse and I chose to read Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This verse has always meant a lot to me because I am a planner and time and time again God has shown me that his plans are bigger than mine. "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." ~Proverbs 19:21

As I look back upon this verse now I have a different perspective. For the longest time I've been waiting for this grand event to happen in my life. In college I believed that pursuing my degree would allow me to fulfill my purpose later on in life. Then I thought that if I found the perfect job I could start living out His plan. I have been living my life based upon an agenda; a checklist of events. What I realize now is that this verse isn't about a single event, but His plans for a lifetime.

My purpose has already begun to form through my relationships. Life is about the relationships you build and the love you share along the journey. I have learned that it isn't about where you are in life, but rather who you are with. I am joyful that my life isn't about a single event, but a lifetime full of plans to fulfill the purpose He has for me. We are all designed for something signifiant and we were implanted with dreams from God.

Let me simply say... its time to stop waiting and just start living!

For the Long Haul

I used to fear long term relationships. I would put in minimal effort just to keep things going, but never enough to be vulnerable and grow. I am so thankful to have found a love without fear. A love that allows me to be vulnerable. I have never had such peace and joy in my life like I do now. This is the kind of love and happiness that I never thought I would find and I want nothing more than to cherish it each and everyday for the rest of my life. My pastor recently did a sermon on life long commitment that really hit home for me. I just wanted to share a few of the things he said as they pertain to this new journey in my life.

I have been the girl who was always in a relationship and my parents have seldom approved. According to my parents they were never the "right one" and it is not until now that I understand why.  It is so important to have the same perspective on life; a singular set of values. As humans we tend to look for external things and believe that those are the things that hold us together; we are sorely mistaken. There has to be so much more than the external things in a relationship because if you have a relationship built for the long haul you will always see the beauty in the person you love. Our values must line up as we make a commitment to do life together as a team.

It's also important to have a managed mind. Love is a decision, not an emotion. The emotion forms in the beginning of the relationship and it is hard not to get wrapped up in it. A relationship built for the long haul is based upon the decision to love that person each and every day. We must pick our battles and not lose site of the big picture when the little things consume our mind. Trouble is normal in life and we must accept that we won't be happy everyday. Most of all, we must not allow our love to be destroyed by life, but grow in God through prayer.

Love must roll with the seasons. The emotion is so strong for me right now and I want to skip to the next season, but I must ground myself from jumping ahead too soon. It is important to experience and enjoy each season of love; from courtship to engagement, to marriage and kids, each season is filled with ups and downs and we must cherish each and every one because their will be a day we look back overwhelmed with joy of seasons passed.

A relationship built for the long haul must share the same activities. It is important to experience romance, fun and laughter together. Our courtship has only just begun and we have spent an incredible amount of time together enjoying different activities from a comedy show, the zoo, the Rangers game to just afternoons spent talking and laughing under a big oak tree in the park. I absolutely love every second I spend with him and it doesn't matter what we do together; I just want to be by his side. We are growing to love the different activities in each other's lives and finding new ways to share and enjoy them together as a couple.

Lastly, a life long commitment must share the same spirit. A marriage for the long haul is the death of two people and the resurrection of one flesh. When you die to yourself you handle situations in marriage the way God would. "And he said to all, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'" ~ Luke 9:23 God has a plan for each marriage, but it has to be aligned by him.

Let me simply say... I am so blessed and thankful to have found this love.

Finding Peace

What does having peace really mean? This world is filled with so many quick fixes. After a long and stressful day I will go to the gym, shop or have a glass of wine to help me relax, but nothing I do actually fixes the heart of the problem. These peaceful remedies are only temporary bandaids. I have been using a lot of bandaids lately and it's about time I face the problem with an actual solution.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." ~ John 14:27

I sometimes go to God with shame because I feel like what I am going through is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but that is part of problem. I must remember to go to God daily and stop trying to find peace in worldly things. I had a rush of emotion come over me today during worship and it wasn't until today that I realized I am exhausted from the failure of trying to find peace in this world. I am looking in all the wrong places.  

"Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:32-33

Let me simply say... I have found spiritual peace.

Patience is a Virtue

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." ~ Galations 5:22-23

In life there are challenges that I must overcome, opportunities that arise and important decisions that must be made. My Dad always tells me that the most important thing is that you complete everything you put your mind to and that it is not what you do in life, but how you do it.  One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn is that you can't make plans and then learning how to let go of those plans when you realize that God's plan is bigger than yours. I used to make these grand plans for how my life would unfold and now I look back and laugh at how silly I once was. I find so much peace and joy from Jeremiah 29:11 and it is a verse that provides me reassurance that I don't carry the burden of making plans.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

As of right now I have no plans, which absolutely terrifies me. I think the scariest thing is accepting the fact that I have no control. Instead of a plan I have a vision of what God wants to do with my life and I must now learn the virtue of patience. We live in such a fast paced society it is natural to expect instant results and gratification. I sometimes wonder why my vision seems so distant and then I remind myself that although I can't currently see God's work in action, I know in my heart that behind the scenes he is preparing a way to use my life. I must wait patiently for him to put my vision into action and understand that it is His timing and not mine.

Sometimes I wonder why things happen the way they do, but it is through those unexpected challenges that I see God work in my life. Through the hardships I realize that He is preparing me for things to come.

I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry." ~ Psalm 40:1

Let me simply say...He has shown me time and time again that anything is possible!